In June 2019, Theo Boyd was content and fulfilled. She enjoyed teaching high school English and was proud to have a daughter in college. She had a beautiful home in a Dallas suburb and a successful husband. And she had a close, loving relationship with her sister and her parents. Life had become what she had always wanted—until July 29, 2019. On that terrible day, her mother was killed in a tragic farming accident. She was run over by a tractor. And her father was the driver.
In My Grief Is Not Like Yours, Boyd intertwines the story of her struggle with complicated grief, the type of heavy, lingering grief that follows an unexpected, unspeakable loss, with a tribute to her extraordinary parents and their devotion to each other. Here, she shares what she’s learned as a survivor and offers insight for others who may be going through any traumatic experience:
Consider a support group. Sharing your story with others experiencing the same grief might help you find a sense of purpose or strength. However, if you find going to these groups keeps you ruminating on your loved one’s death, seek out other methods of support.
Keep in touch. Reach out to loved ones, friends, and spiritual leaders for comfort, understanding, and healing. Surround yourself with people who are willing to listen when you need to talk, as well as those who’ll offer a shoulder to lean on when you’d rather be silent.
Grieve in your way. Do what’s right for you, not necessarily someone else. There is no single “right” way to grieve. If you find it too painful to visit your loved one’s gravesite or share the details of your loved one’s death, wait until you’re ready.
Be prepared for painful reminders. Anniversaries, holidays, and other special occasions can be painful reminders of your loved one’s loss. Don’t beat yourself up for being sad or mournful. Instead, consider changing or suspending family traditions that are too painful to continue.
Don’t rush yourself. Losing someone tragically is a tremendous blow, and healing must occur at its own pace. Don’t be hurried by anyone else’s expectations that it’s been “long enough.”
Expect setbacks. Some days will be better than others, even years after—and that’s okay. Healing doesn’t often happen in a straight line.
