We all have the potential for change and growth. Now is an opportune time to contemplate not only how we want to spend our time, but more importantly, who we would like to become. One way to do this is to move away from unhealthy thoughts and behaviors that feel inauthentic to who we are when we are feeling healthy and good about ourselves. Studies show that embracing who we are and learning how to live more authentically has profound benefits for both our mental wellbeing and overall life satisfaction.
From a young age, we are bombarded with messages about who we should be and what we should want. Parents, teachers, peers, and society at large often impose expectations that can shape our identities in ways that do not always align with who we feel we are separate from outside influences. For instance, a child who excels in art might feel pressured to pursue a career in science and medicine because they are deemed more prestigious. This disconnect can lead to a host of emotional and psychological “problems,” including anxiety, depression, and feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy. When we strive to meet others’ expectations at the expense of our own wishes and desires, we risk losing touch with our passions, values, and who we are at our core.
Research shows that when we see ourselves more clearly, when we have more self-awareness, we are more confident and more creative, make better decisions, build better relationships, and communicate more effectively with those around us. But learning how to become more self-aware is not always easy. Thus, to help us learn how to follow our own healthy paths in life, here are a few helpful tips related to cultivating self-awareness and becoming more of who we want to become.
1. Self-Reflection
The first step in unbecoming is self-reflection. Take time to assess your beliefs, values, and desires. Journaling can be a powerful tool in this phase; write about your experiences, what you love, and what makes you feel fulfilled. Ask yourself questions like, “What do I love to do in my free time?” and “What do I genuinely want?” Taking time to reflect and then writing down your thoughts thereafter can be immensely helpful.
2. Challenge Limiting Beliefs
Many of us harbor self-limiting beliefs that dictate how we see ourselves. These beliefs often stem from past experiences or from external sources of validation. Try challenging these beliefs by questioning their validity. For example, if you believe you are not good enough to pursue your dreams, counter that thought with evidence of your achievements and capabilities. Learn to cultivate and listen to the positive thoughts and beliefs about yourself.
3. Seek Authenticity
Authenticity means aligning your actions with your true self. Start by making small changes that reflect who you are. This could mean expressing your opinions more openly with loved ones, pursuing hobbies that excite you or surrounding yourself with people who uplift and support who you are at your core.
4. Embrace Vulnerability
Unbecoming who you are not often involves embracing vulnerability. It can be scary to show your true self, especially if it differs from others’ expectations of you. Share your journey with trusted friends or mentors who can offer support. Exploring vulnerability with a trained psychotherapist can also be helpful.
The Journey of Becoming
Once you have begun to unearth the layers of your identity that do not fit, the next phase is becoming who you are. This is an empowering process of embracing your true self and nurturing your unique desires, talents and passions.
1. Cultivate Self-Compassion
As you embark on this journey, practice self-compassion. Understand that growth takes time and that it’s normal to encounter setbacks. Be kind to yourself, particularly when you make mistakes, and recognize that the journey and process of becoming who you want to become is as valuable as the destination.
2. Surround Yourself with Positivity
The people you surround yourself with can significantly impact your journey. Seek out relationships that encourage your growth and align with your values. Distance yourself from those who perpetuate negativity or toxic judgment. And remember to support those who support you.
3. Stay Curious and Open-Minded
Stay curious about yourself and the world around you. Ask questions, make new friendships, and embrace new experiences and challenges, as they can lead to personal growth and self-discovery.
The importance of unbecoming who you are not and becoming who you are cannot be overstated. It is a transformative journey that allows individuals to shed societal expectations, embrace their true selves, and live authentically. While the path may be fraught with challenges, the rewards of self-discovery, fulfillment, and empowerment make it a worthy undertaking. Remember, the journey of becoming is not a destination but a continuous process of growth and exploration. Part of the journey in life is not only becoming who you are but also learning how to enjoy yourself and the journey of life itself.