America is in the midst of a serious loneliness epidemic. Jill Palmquist says the way we live—overworked, obsessed with technology, and disconnected from the awe-inspiring magic of life—is blocking our ability to find and experience love. That’s the bad news. The good news is that we can do something about it.
“We are wired to seek authentic connections,” says Palmquist, chief storyteller at luxury lifestyle and fitness brand Life Time and author of In This Lifetime. “The raw materials for love—not always romantic love but genuine human love—are plentiful. We need to wake up and notice them.”
Palmquist says loneliness is a symptom that you aren’t intentional enough in your life. “When we are adrift in the status quo of busyness and distractions, it’s no surprise we feel alone,” she observes. “To feel the connection you crave, you’ve got to take action to create the experiences you want. It’s not so much about the quantity of days or hours; it’s the depth, warmth, and integrity of the relationships you have, and how you spend this time together.”
In This Lifetime is the blueprint for doing that. On the surface, it is a coffee table book. Look closer and it’s a distilled master class in waking up to the magic of simply being alive, with amazing bodies and curious minds that can do so many incredible things. It’s filled with breathtaking photographs, thought-provoking essays, proverbs, parables, conversation starters, and distilled snippets of wisdom to help you be present in your singular, brief, amazing life.
“When we get present to the mind-blowing magic and mystery of life, we naturally engage with it on a deeper level,” says Palmquist. “We are more equipped and more driven to create intentional connections with those around us.”
Here are few tips for building a life of connection and love.
Find your people, make your friends, love your tribe. The best way to combat chronic loneliness is to reach out to people you love. Chances are you have lost touch with those you consider lifelong friends.Remember, they are very likely feeling lonely, too. It takes effort to maintain relationships as we grow older and as our lives change. But everyone benefits from the nourishing love that can come only from “our people.”
Move. Movement is medicine, movement is nature…and movement with friends is a loneliness cure. Our bodies can do incredible things, and when we get active, it starts a cascade of physical and emotional benefits. When we do it with friends, the rewards are compounded. So, combat February gloominess by starting a morning or weekend walking club to get in some steps. Or sign up for a group yoga or spinning class. Or hit the ski slopes together.
Share laughter. Laughter is contagious. Seek to bring joy and lightheartedness to your group of friends or family. You don’t have to artificially prompt laughter by seeing a comedy show (though you can if you like). Just meeting for a drink and hashing out the absurdities of the work week can do the trick. “While there is plenty to make us feel sad and miserable, we are meant to move through this life joyful, awake, and alive,” notes Palmquist. “It is healthy to laugh, it’s an act of self-love, and it’s a bonding force. Those we laugh with we come to love.”
Sit down together for dinner. Make it a ritual. For example, host a monthly supper club. Eating meals with others has proven health and social benefits. (It’s a widely practiced ritual in Mediterranean communities.)These dinners don’t need to be anything fancy (though they can be if you wish). You can host potluck nights where everyone brings a dish or choose themes like “a Mediterranean feast” or “seafood delights” to enjoy some culinary variety. The point is, you get together to eat, drink, and be merry, which is often just what the soul needs.
Embrace an elder. It’s a good reminder that every age is the best age. Make friends with the older people in your life, whether your own parents or grandparents, your great aunts and uncles, or seniors in your community. Not only can you ease your loneliness—and theirs—you can learn in the process not to see aging as an enemy. As Palmquist writes, “Every age is the best age. You might as well enjoy. Relax and allow yourself to get older. You have no choice.”
“Realize in one day there are one thousand opportunities to be kind.” This quote from In This Lifetime, written on the image of an open daily planner, speaks volumes about how our daily choices contribute to or detract from our connectedness.
“The best way to break free from loneliness is to extend kindness as often as we can in whatever form we can,” says Palmquist. “Whether it’s giving a coat to a homeless person or choosing a gentle reply rather than escalating an argument, the more we choose kindness, the more connected to each other we feel.”
The bottom line: Take care of each other. “Romantic love is wonderful, but it’s really just a bonus life has given you,” says Palmquist. “Love, in all its forms, is the antidote to loneliness. What will matter the most at the end of your life is the love you give to your people, to your community, and to all of mankind. Whom will you love? The correct answer is ‘everybody.’”
